Have you ever wondered how to stop playing the victim during a situation that you find difficult?

What is playing the victim?

Playing the victim is about putting yourself at the central point of the problem. The fact is the problem is about somebody else, but you have been affected in some way. Playing the victim is being blinkered. You’re subconsciously being self-centred. You’re only seeing the problem from your point of view and not seeing it from the other person’s viewpoint.

Why do we play the victim?

The majority of the time, we don’t realise we’re playing the victim.  We’re so caught up in our thoughts and feelings and we’re just trying to manage things in our life, our roles, responsibilities and keep going.

Where is the problem with playing the victim?

Unfortunately, a lot of the time, we are getting something back from it.
It might be that you’re having feelings of importance, that you’re special in some way, or different and may be getting attention. These will give you reasons to continue to behave in a particular way, and a good reason not to move on.

Why is it difficult to move on from playing the victim?

When playing the victim, we are behaving in a very blinkered fashion. Often, we only hear and listen to what we want to hear. This then feeds our reasoning around why we are playing the victim. This blinkeredness also makes it very difficult for others to help us.

This state of mind of being the victim uses up a lot of negative emotional energy which isn’t good for us. Negative emotional energy consumption is far more than being happy, going out, exercising, and having a good time.

All this negative energy is going to make you feel tired, anxious, stressed, and resentful. You’ll be carrying the burden with you.

What can I do to change this?

When you’re going about your daily life, at the supermarket, at work, or out socialising a good place to start is by observing those around you . Often, you can see who these people are because they’ve got poor posture, negative body language, and they’re using negative language when they’re speaking.

All of this can make them feel as if they’re carrying a great big heavy weight on their shoulders. When you’re feeling anxious and stressed, that’s where you’re going to feel it first, in your shoulders, and your backs as tension as you go about your day.

You may recognise this in yourself and may have even thought about challenging these thoughts and feelings but you may be making excuses such as:

You don’t know what this is like.
I can’t help the way I am feeling.
Why is this happening to me.
I have tried to sort it out but nothing works.
Perhaps this is just way it is going to be.

All of these thoughts and feelings become habit over time.

It’s time to break the habit and stop playing the victim.

It is hard to change a habit, it’s about having to change that habit.

Changing our thoughts and feelings is difficult when our head is saying one thing and our heart another. It can also be difficult to change our story, outlook on life on how we should be thinking and feeling which then of course, has an effect on how we’re behaving.  Starting to listen to your unheard self is really important.

And you know what, it’s going to be hard, it’s going to take time, patience and persistence.
It’s an ongoing process to open our hearts to new possibilities in life.

I address this in part two of my book “When Dad Became Joan.”
To find out more about “When Dad Became Joan”, go to https://whendadbecamejoan.co.uk

About the Author

Cath Lloyd

British TEDx Speaker, life coach and author of “When Dad Became Joan” with her second booking coming out at the end of 2023, Cath Lloyd was a shy and unconfident student at school. Learning from her life experiences has developed her confidence, enabling her to share her voice, ideas, thoughts and feelings.

Cath has spoken on local radio, Radio 5 Live and BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour as well as many podcast shows. Cath is promoting the importance of self-honesty to learn and understand yourself. The other is, communication is one of the keys to keeping your emotional, mental, and physical balance and keeping family life running more smoothly.

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