When I talk about clearing out the closet of your mind what I am talking about is managing your negative thoughts and feelings. The negative thoughts and feelings from the significantly difficult change you have been shoving into the back of the closet of your mind.

The important point to remember here is that even though you may not be consciously aware, it is most probably affecting your relationship not only with yourself but with the important people in your life. Your mind is being tied up like a bag of spaghetti which is creating a lot of anxiety. This is naturally going to have an influence on how you are communicating and feeling about yourself. Putting this added pressure on yourself will have a knock-on effect on other relationships and your decision-making skills.

Are you being faced with a difficult situation?

What do you do when you’re faced with a difficult situation and you’re not sure what to do about the negative thoughts and feelings associated with it?

Do you:

1. Get face-to-face with it and sort the problem out there and then?

2. Assess the situation and put it to one side to deal with it later, but later never comes?

3. Shove it into the back of the closet of your mind because you don’t want to face it hoping it will go away?

What happens if you don't address the stuff in the closet of your mind?

Unfortunately, those difficult thoughts and feelings don’t go away. It may appear like they do because you’ve buried them deep in the back of the closet of your mind. But gradually everything you keep burying will come to the surface. To try and resolve this problem you may buy a stronger latch for the door but eventually, those doors to your closet will burst open spilling everything out. Spilling out all those negative thoughts and feelings you don’t understand, you feel guilty about, you feel ashamed of. To make matters worse those negative thoughts and feelings will most probably have escalated into something even worse, making them more frightening and more difficult to manage. Making it a frightening prospect to check in on how you’re feeling about yourself, even sending you into victim mode.

How do you manage all this stuff?
How is all this stuff making you feel?

Feeling desperate and not knowing what to do

Let me introduce you to Pam.

I am working with Pam who is working through some stuff she’s been putting off. Pam came to me because she was struggling with some of the most important relationships in her life. The problem was she was beginning to feel desperate, not knowing which way to turn. The stuff in her closet is varied, made up of a mixture of things that are going to take tiny baby steps and others that can be addressed more easily. 

During each coaching session, we take another item out of the closet of her mind, discuss it, and find out what is working for her, where the improvements can be made and then she sets a course of action to work towards. It may feel like a slow process but each week she is talking more confidently about life. Each step is a step nearer to where she wants to be in life. And each session she is sounding more confident about the decisions she’s making.

Where could you start?

I suggest you start by:
1. Looking at each item in your closet.
2. Rate it to work out how much it is troubling you from 0 - 10
3. What is troubling you about it and begin to unravel it?
4. What is serving you?
5. How could be made different and why?
6. What is fact and what is fiction in each issue?
7. Write down actions you can take to make it better for you and the important people in your life.
8. Start to implement those actions.

Personal objections to clearing out the closet of your mind.

To get started with this clearing out process you will probably have a lot of objections.
You may even find yourself saying things like:
I don’t have time.
I will start tomorrow.
There are more important things for me to be doing.

You may even hear yourself saying it's too difficult.

I know it may seem a long, slow and laborious process and yes it can be especially at the beginning whilst you’re getting used to the process, but it will get easier. The important part is making the time and the rest will follow. Like anything new it will take time to get used to the process but once you have started and you begin to see the benefits you will feel encouraged to continue.

The benefits of clearing out the closet of your mind.

Once you have got into the swing of working through your negative thoughts and feelings you will soon start to notice the benefits.

You will begin to:
1. Feel more relaxed because you are starting to take the pressure off your thoughts and feelings.
2. Be more in control of how you are reacting to different situations you’re being faced with.
3. Become more resilient to new situations because you have a process you can follow.
4. Enjoy life better because of this control and resilience.
5. Notice a difference in your internal thought processes and your relationship with others.

If you're curious about how I can support you then book a chat with me.

Let's talk about how I can support you and help you end the sadness to restore happiness back into you life.

About the Author

Cath Lloyd

British TEDx Speaker, life coach and author of “When Dad Became Joan” with her second booking coming out at the end of 2023, Cath Lloyd was a shy and unconfident student at school. Learning from her life experiences has developed her confidence, enabling her to share her voice, ideas, thoughts and feelings.

Cath has spoken on local radio, Radio 5 Live and BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour as well as many podcast shows. Cath is promoting the importance of self-honesty to learn and understand yourself. The other is, communication is one of the keys to keeping your emotional, mental, and physical balance and keeping family life running more smoothly.

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