Self-sabotage, we all do it but how do we know and how do we stop it?

Self-sabotaging behaviour is a very complex thought process in our conscious and subconscious mind which hinders our progression and success. It involves behaviours and thought patterns that undermine personal goals and well-being. These actions can manifest in various forms, from procrastination and negative self-talk to more subtle behaviours like perfectionism or avoiding opportunities resulting in the feelings of being stuck, unfulfilled, feelings unloved and uncared for.

Sometimes we know we’re doing it but don’t know how to stop it or are frightened to stop it, perhaps because of the fear of change even when we want the change.  Even when we’re desperate for life to be different for ourselves.  Self-sabotage is a short-term coping mechanism that our subconscious generates to keep us feeling safe but unfortunately does not give us many benefits in the long term.

What are the common patterns to look out for when self-sabotaging?

Procrastination - Delaying tasks unnecessarily, often to avoid facing challenges or the possibility of failure.

Negative Self-Talk - Engaging in critical and pessimistic internal dialogue that diminishes self-confidence.

Perfectionism - Setting unrealistically high standards and using them as an excuse to avoid starting or completing tasks.

Fear of Failure - Avoiding actions that might lead to failure, even if they have the potential for success.

Fear of Success - Sabotaging ourselves to avoid the increased expectations and responsibilities that come with success. The fear of not deserving something good in your life because of past experiences, and trauma.

Avoidance - Steering clear of situations or tasks that might bring discomfort, challenge, or change.

Impulsiveness - Making hasty decisions that undermine long-term goals.

Substance Abuse - Engaging in harmful habits like alcohol or drug used to cope with stress or avoid responsibilities.

Overcommitment - Taking on too many responsibilities which leads to burnout and failure to meet goals.

There are also psychological and emotional reasons for self-sabotaging.

Low Self-Esteem - A lack of belief in our self-worth and abilities.

Self-limiting Beliefs - Deep-seated convictions that what you do does not deserve success or happiness.

Inconsistent and contradictory belief systems - A conflict between our goals and self-image, leading to behaviours that align with a negative self-perception.

Comfort Zones - A preference for familiarity and predictability, even if it is detrimental.

Unresolved Trauma - Past experiences that shape negative coping mechanisms.

What are the long-term effects of self-sabotage?

• We can consistently miss out on opportunities for growth and success resulting in a lack of progress in our professional lives.
• Persistent worry and tension from repeated setbacks and self-imposed obstacles.
• Reinforce negative self-perceptions due to ongoing failures increasing the risk of low self-esteem and confidence.
• Regular conflicts and misunderstandings with others stemming from unreliable or destructive behaviours and the development of toxic relationships.

All of this can result in an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and physical health problems related to stress - mental and physical health issues.

Unfortunately, self-sabotage will create long-lasting and serious implications if unaddressed. By leaving this unaddressed we are creating a continual cycle of missed opportunities, unhappiness, feeling unfulfilled, reinforcing your already strong self-limiting belief systems and strengthening poor mental and physical health issues.

But there is good news.  If you’re struggling with self-sabotage there are strategies to overcome them.

Strategies to Overcome Self-Sabotage:

• Identifying and understanding self-sabotaging behaviours and their triggers by practising self-honesty.
• Replacing negative self-talk and overthinking with positive affirmations and realistic perspectives.
• Breaking down large goals into smaller, manageable tasks that won’t overwhelm you.
• Practice self-compassion and recognize that mistakes are part of growth.
• Be prepared for setbacks. View failures as learning opportunities rather than definitive judgments of your abilities.
• Engaging in activities that promote physical, emotional and mental well-being.
• Practicing mindfulness techniques to stay present and reduce anxiety.
• Reflect on past successes and how you achieved them with grace and positivity.
• Talking to friends, family, or a therapist for encouragement and accountability.

Changing any thought process takes time, practice and patience.

However, recognising that you are self-sabotaging is the first major step and taking action using the strategies above is the only way to change those negative thought processes into positive ones.

You can change this!