Giving yourself time when going through big, difficult and painful life changes always seems to be the last thing we think about doing and want to do. Instead, we want to correct the problem, make it go away, make it better or just be rid of it.
The bereavement cycle of change and loss can be difficult to steer our way through. Whether we have instigated the change, or life has thrown it at us by surprise it can still feel like a big, difficult and painful time of life to be in.
Life changes can feel rather like a bereavement.
This bereavement may take you through a cycle of change and loss, making daily life feel like a massive struggle that will have an impact on you. This impact will create a whole variety of thoughts and feelings often presenting themselves in a colourful and traumatic whirlpool. Some good, some bad and some you may never want to experience again. However, it is going to be different for everyone and managing it, getting through it and out the other side is going to vary from one person to another.
The instigation of life changes.
Planning and implementing change can bring a variety of thoughts and feelings which might include excitement and hope especially at the beginning but also a mixture of other emotions, thoughts and feelings:
- Fear, anxiety and stress
- Being overwhelmed
- Sadness and loss
- Doubt and insecurity
- Frustration
- Relief and freedom
- Loneliness
- Empowerment and growth
- Gratitude
Life changes and the effect on us.
Big, difficult and painful life changes are going to impact people differently. They aren’t necessarily all negative but can still trigger a whirlpool of thoughts, and feelings which can lead to:
- Lack of motivation and procrastination making us feel stuck
- Concerns about making the right decision
- Shake our confidence in our abilities
- Breed anxiety and stress
- Limit our ability to communicate effectively
- Build and sustain lasting relationships
We experience small changes all the time that we can adjust and adapt to without even realising it. However, big, painful and difficult changes are more challenging to steer ourselves through, especially when we’re managing the ever-changing roles and responsibilities we juggle every day. Consider this, are you going to leave it to chance or are you going to steer this change to make it easier for yourself?

Each change is going to make a difference to our daily routines and an impact on our emotional and physical well-being if left unaddressed. Unfortunately, the outcome of this can often shift our mindset and restrict our ability to adapt and easily make adjustments.
Adaptations and adjustments when going through big, difficult and painful life changes.
Here are some examples of big, difficult and painful changes that we have to deal with.
- Moving to a New Place: Relocating, whether for work, family, or a fresh start, can be a big adjustment. It often involves adapting to a new environment, making new friends, and dealing with homesickness.
- Starting or Changing a Career: Entering a new career field or even shifting roles within a company can be a big change, bringing new responsibilities, learning curves, and potential stress.
- Marriage or Starting a Relationship: Committing to a serious relationship or marriage is a major life change, requiring adjustments to shared living, finances, and balancing individual and shared goals.
- Having Children: Becoming a parent changes almost every part of life, from daily routines and finances to social life and priorities. Managing the commitment to nurture a new life and shared responsibilities.
- Ending a Relationship: The end of a significant relationship, whether through a breakup or divorce, can be emotionally challenging and lead to changes in living arrangements, social circles, and lifestyle.
- Experiencing a Loss: Losing a loved one is often a painful life change, affecting emotional well-being and sometimes leading to shifts in perspective and priorities.
- Health Changes: A major health diagnosis, accident, or injury that impacts your ability to live as you did can bring profound change to both your physical and mental well-being.
- Financial Changes: Experiencing a significant financial shift, such as a job loss, inheritance, or winning the lottery, can have a big impact on your lifestyle, stress levels, and plans for the future.
- Pursuing Higher Education: Going back to school, especially later in life, can be a big transition, bringing both the excitement of learning new skills and the challenge of balancing studies with other responsibilities and maybe financial obligations.
- Retirement: Shifting from a work-centred life to retirement can be both rewarding and challenging, as it often involves redefining one’s identity and finding new ways to stay engaged and active.

What now.
Whatever change you are going through there are ways you can start managing them. Getting back to basics will give you the opportunity to leave the negativity behind you and focus on your future.
Adjusting to big, difficult, and painful life changes is challenging but are possible with intentional strategies and a focus on self-care.
Here are some ideas to get you started when going through big, difficult and painful life changes.
1. Acknowledge and accept the change
2. Break it down
3. Seek support
4. Practice self-compassion
5. Reframe the experience
6. Build healthy routines
7. Stay open to new opportunities
8. Manage stress
9. Focus on what you can control
10. Seek professional help when needed
By combining these strategies, you can build resilience and gradually adjust to even the most difficult changes. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take the time you need to heal and adapt.
Often people forget that managing change takes time. Remember to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adjust to the changes you are implementing in your life.

Are you ready to make the change to managing your big, difficult and painful change more easily? Leaving it behind you so you can be happy and love life again.
If so, let’s talk. Book a 30-minute chat with me and let’s start working out where you can begin.