Many people have heard the phrase “fake it till you make it,” but when it comes to confidence, career growth, and mental health, pretending can actually do more harm than good. In this article, we explore why relying on a façade of confidence or pretending to be someone you’re not may create stress, anxiety, and inner conflict. We’ll uncover how the unconscious mind reacts to inauthenticity and share practical ways to build genuine confidence, emotional resilience, and personal growth, without faking it.

Remembering “Fake It Until You Make It” on TV

I loved it. Turning painters and decorators into world famous artists. They had top painting experts and teachers supporting the painter and decorator to teach them how to paint like Monet or whichever great master they were assigned. And the experts coming to assess these works of art were always fooled.

Why Pretending Works Differently in Life

This is a little different when we start talking about our confidence levels, jobs, and our emotional and mental health. It is always nerve-racking starting a new job or giving a top-level presentation, and most of the time you can get through it with clever mind-skill techniques. The famous one you hear often is, “Just imagine the audience are naked,” but I’m not convinced by that suggestion.

The Real Cost of “Faking” Confidence

Alice Levine, the famous Radio 1 presenter and co-author of “My Dad Wrote A Porno,” admits in the Huffington Post that she is an “Introvert Posing As An Extrovert” because she loves her career and pushes herself to her limits to be able to achieve what she loves. But this comes at a cost: high levels of anxiety, sleepless nights, and hours of preparation just to be able to portray the extrovert that she feels she needs to be.

What levels will you push yourself to achieve?

Understanding the Role of the Unconscious Mind

But why will this not work in the long term? Learning new skills to an exceptionally high level, being trained by other highly skilled individuals and teams like in “My Fair Lady”, is very different to tricking ourselves into thinking and feeling something totally different. Because here, we’re not just managing our conscious mind, we’re also dealing with our unconscious mind.

And the unconscious mind cannot be fooled.

It knows what is going on deep down inside your thoughts and feelings. It knows when you are being authentic and when you are not. You will feel a reaction, an emotion, a tightness, a thought, a sense of unease, letting you know there is a conflict within you. Whether we listen to it or not is a different conversation. But the message is always there.

The Consequences of Inner Conflict

So this leads me to ask you the next question:

What level are you willing to go to, to live the life you want or feel you “should” live?

Are you willing to put up with anxiety, stress, and overwhelm to get that thing you so desperately feel you need and want?

Or would it be “better” to settle for a little less and reduce those levels of anxiety, stress, and overwhelm?

Let’s remember that living with anxiety, stress, and overwhelm has a long-term effect on our mental health and, if unaddressed, our physical health as well, because of the internal conflict battling inside of you.

Why Quick Fixes and Excuses Don’t Work

Unfortunately, the need to have a quick answer and a quick fix can cause us to form thoughts and beliefs that feel right. Our unconscious is trying to protect us and so it conjures up a kind of falseness that we go along with because it helps us fit in with what we want to believe or achieve, even if it is not good for us. This is why we make excuses for ourselves, our spouses, or our children, kidding ourselves that it will be OK. It may be for a while, but it will have a knock-on effect somewhere else in your wellbeing.

How the Unconscious Mind Reads Congruence

How many times have you been having a conversation and you’re not convinced about what is being said or the person saying it? This is because our unconscious mind is picking up the subtle cues that aren’t so obvious. You might feel unsure, uneasy, or concerned that something isn’t quite right but you can’t put your finger on it. This is because our unconscious mind works with congruence and looking at the bigger picture of what you say, what you do and how you feel about it. If it finds a mismatch then the unconscious will put out signals to let you know.

If you put this information together, faking it till you make it will only create more inner conflict. The unconscious mind won’t shift just because we pretend. It changes when we give it real experiences, genuine small wins, honest emotions, and authentic actions that feel possible. In other words, long-term confidence and wellbeing come from embodying who we are becoming, not performing a version of ourselves we think the world wants to see.

How to Build Authentic Confidence

However, it’s not all bad news because we can train ourselves to become more confident through:

You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge, therefore knowing your starting point, your fears, your limits, your strengths is essential.

Clarity accelerates growth far more than pretending ever can. This when it’s good to put your hand on your heart and practice self-honesty to really learn and understand you emotions, thoughts and feelings and they sit with you.

How can you practice being someone you aspire to be instead of faking it?

Catching the old habitual emotions, thoughts, feelings and behaviours, adjusting your mindset to process them differently.

This can be achieved through repetition and visualisation

Learning to manage challenging situations, building confidence through small wins

Being consistent with your thoughts and actions to develop repetitiveness, creating new habits.

Learning to be safe within different environments so you can adapt and still be authentic so you are not acting any longer and you are embodying the new version of you.

Connect And Take The Next Step

If this article has resonated with you, know that you don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. Building authentic confidence, managing stress, and aligning with your true self is a journey—and it’s easier with guidance and support.

I work with clients to help them uncover their unconscious patterns, process emotions, and build genuine confidence step by step. Whether you’re facing anxiety, self-doubt, or inner conflict, there are practical strategies you can start using today to create lasting change.

If you feel ready to explore your own growth, connect with me for a conversation. Together, we can create a plan to help you embody your true self, reduce stress, and live the life you truly want—without faking it.

Reach out today and take the first step toward a more confident, aligned, and empowered you.