We all live by a set of rules—some spoken, some silent. These rules shape how we see the world, how we behave, and how we treat ourselves and others. Some rules bring order, safety, and purpose. Others, though, can quietly limit our potential, especially during times of pain, transition, or deep personal struggle.

As a life coach, mentor, and teacher, I’ve worked with many people who feel stuck, lost, or overwhelmed—not because they’re doing something wrong, but because they’re living by rules that no longer serve them, secretly creating more of a burden to carry than imagined. This burden may be making you feel isolated and not being able to appreciate how lovely life is around you.

Why We Create Rules to Live By

Rules give our lives structure. They provide a sense of security, help us navigate relationships, and create expectations we can follow. On a broader level, society runs on rules to promote fairness, order, and cooperation. On a personal level, we form internal rules—often from childhood, culture, or past experiences—that help us feel safe or accepted.

Here are a few examples of common internal rules:

• “I must always be strong.”

• “I can’t disappoint others.”

• “If I fail, I’m not good enough.”

At one time, these rules may have helped you cope or succeed. But as life evolves, so must the beliefs that guide you other wise they become limiting beliefs.

When the Rules Start to Hurt

Painful life changes—like grief, divorce, job loss, or identity shifts—can shake the ground beneath your feet, making you feel as if you are stuck or treading water. In those moments, the rules you once trusted may feel broken or meaningless. You might ask yourself, “Why isn’t this working any more?”

Here’s how unhelpful or outdated rules can hold you back:

• They no longer fit your reality. What once kept you safe may now keep you small, confined and restricted.

• They will stop you from healing. Rules like “don’t ask for help” or “always stay in control” can isolate you when you most need support.

• They suppress your true self. You may ignore your own needs, passions, or dreams to live by someone else’s standards.

• They stunt your growth. Fear-based rules discourage risk, change, or self-discovery.

When your life begins to change and shift, the rules you live by must also be allowed to change.

How to Change the Rules for a Better Life

Transformation begins with awareness and courage. Here's how you can start rewriting your inner rulebook starting with putting your hand on your heart and being honest with yourself.

1. Become Aware of the Rules You’re Living By

Start by asking yourself:

• What expectations do I feel pressured to live up to?

• Are these rules helping me grow or keeping me stuck?

• Who taught me these rules—and do I still believe them?

Recognising the beliefs that shape your actions is the first step toward freedom.

2. Question the Rules That Are No Longer Useful To You

If a rule causes fear, shame, or guilt, it’s worth challenging. Ask:

• Is this rule still true for me?

• What would happen if I didn’t follow this rule?

• Does this rule reflect who I really am, or who I want to be?

Growth comes when we’re brave enough to challenge what we’ve outgrown through self-honesty.

3. Write New Rules That Reflect Your Values and Vision

Now it’s time to create a new foundation—rules that support healing, confidence, and self-love.

New rules that will give you courage, control and focus on your future might sound like:

• “It’s okay to ask for help.”

• “Rest is not laziness—it’s necessary.”

• “My worth isn’t based on what I achieve.”

• “I am allowed to change.”

These rules are based on truth, not fear. They honour your pathway and make space for growth and the person you’re becoming.

4. Practice and Be Patient with Yourself

Change doesn’t happen all at once. It takes time to replace old habits and beliefs. But every small step counts.

• Notice when an old rule shows up—and gently choose a new response.

• Celebrate your progress, even if it’s messy or slow.

• Surround yourself with people who support your growth.

And most importantly: be kind to yourself.

Remember you’re not broken, you’re working on a better future for yourself.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you're navigating a difficult change and struggling with the weight of old expectations, I want you to know that help is available—and you don’t have to carry it all by yourself.

As your coach, mentor, and guide, I can walk with you through this transition. Together, we’ll uncover the rules that are holding you back, and build a life that reflects your true values, vision, and voice.

Change is possible. Growth is within reach. And the life you long for begins with the courage to rewrite the rules.

If you’re ready to begin that journey, I’m here to support you through the process of releasing the burden you are carrying and leave the drudge of the past behind you so you can feel the sunshine on your skin and hear the birds again.